Just another Manic Monday

Since I can think of nothing to write whatsoever, I stole this from here. At least its better than nothing. I think.

1. Where is your cellphone? stand

2. Your hair? blarg

3. Your mother? home

4. Your father? dead

5.Your favorite food? Italian

6. Your dream last night? none

7. Your favorite drink? Mikes

8. Your dream/goal? comfortable

9. What room are you in? bedroom

10. Your hobby? reading

11. Your fear? spiders

12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? somewhere

13. Where were you last night? Home

14. Something that you aren’t? rich

15. Muffins? apple

16. Wish list item? Money

17. Where did you grow up? Maine

18. Last thing you did? smoke

19. What are you wearing? jammies

20. Your TV? on

21. Your pets? bathroom

22. Friends? several

23. Your life? eh

24. Your mood? eh

25. Missing someone? ya

26. Vehicle? truck

.27. Something you’re not wearing? bra

28. Your favorite store? Walmart

29. Your favorite color? Purple

30. When was the last time you laughed? now

31. Last time you cried? PMS

32. Your best friend? far

33. One place that I go over and over? work

34. One person that emails me regularly? hubs

35. Favorite place to eat? Olive Garden

Confuzzled

I’ll admit it. I am totally confuzzled.

I have been searching for 27 years, and I found the missing brother. Its awesome beyond words.

But it also brings up a lot of feelings that I haven’t had in years.

About my dad. My step-mother. My other brother.

My dad. I still miss him horribly. He died when I was 13, and I never really got to say good-bye. I mean I talked to him every week, told him I loved him. But there are still so many things that I wanted to tell him. I’ll never get the chance. I just hope he’s not disappointed in me. I wish that he had met his grandchildren. I wish that he had been there when I got married. I wish alot of things. I know that it will never happen, but I still have my pipe dreams .

I’m not exactly sure how I feel about the step-mother. We didn’t get along great. I looked at her as the wicked step-mother. But as I got older, I’m not sure if that is because she really was or if it was because she was with MY daddy and she was so not my mom. To be honest, I think its a bit of both. I never wished her any ill will, and I am truly sorry that she went through all she did. There isn’t anything that I can do about that however, and I’m not going to dwell on it.

My other brother. The one I have known his whole life. We have issues, some rather large ones that I will not go into here, because they are ours to deal with and that’s that. This is either going to help get through those, or it is going to compound them and destroy an already fragile relationship. I’m hoping for the former, not the latter. Only time will tell.

My new found brother is going to be coming out here in December, after the birth of my niece. There are going to be alot of questions. The hard part is that I am going to be the only one who can answer them. My first brother has turned a blind eye to alot of things, and he still can’t talk about Daddy. It’s going to be a bittersweet meeting. I’m excited, yet apprehensive about the whole thing. I can’t wait.

We are a string family, and we will survive what ever gets thrown our way. Maybe my first brother and I can actually become friends again. Who knows?

Miracles

They really do happen upon occasion. Or at the very least fate shine the sunny side upon you and lets you bask awhile.

Last night I was doing some searching on line. Now mind you, I have a brother that I have never met. My father died when I was 13 and my step-mother was pregnant at his funeral. I tried a few times to find him, but her family would never tell me where they were. He’s 27 now.

Anyways, I was doing some searching on line for my family tree and decided to try and search again. I hit Google and every other site I could think of. I was getting ready to give up and decided to check Facebook one more time before I called it quits. OMG, there was someone with his name there. I checked thru his friends and a further OMG came when the friends in his list had the same name as his mothers family. I knew at that point it was him. I sent him a letter telling him who i was and what not. Then I waited. And waited.

I was so nervous. What if he didn’t want any contact after all these years? I didn’t know what his mom or her family had told him. I didn’t think it was anything bad, but still , the imagination, she works overtime.

Got home to work and there was a mail in my inbox from him with his number!!!!! I was so excited, I was vibrating. Took a bit to get my courage together, but I finally did it. We were on the phone for almost an hour. Not bad for the first time speaking EVER!!

I am still uber excited, but I had to share.

See, this just means that there is still some hope out there, somewhere!!!

Hello

Hows it been going? Been busy busy busy.

My sister is helping her best friend plan her wedding, and somehow I got roped into it all. So now I have been spending time fooking for burgandy leaves and colors that go with it. It’s been pretty, but just time consuming.

See?

Also the munchkin started pre K two weeks ago. Its only 2 days a week, but its all day. It also happens to be on the days I work, so that worked out well. She loves it and gets mad because she can’t go every day. She is a little sponge and that’s a good Too damned smart for her own good too lol.

Her first day of school. Yeah, I know she looks a bit like Popeye, but the sun was in her face and that was the longest I could get her to hold still.

Other than that, still trying to settle my too large family into the too small trailer. Its been fun packing up my sisters stuff and then unpacking and trying to find room for ours. *sigh* Oh well, someday it will be my turn. I just hope its while I’m still young enough to enjoy it lol.

TTFN

Stupid allergies

Damned things have been keeping me down this week. I just sniffle, sneeze and cough my way around. Not cool, cuz everyone is tweaking with the whole H1N1 virus thing. If it keeps up much longer, I’m going to have to get it stamped on my forehead so people won’t run away.

Not that H1N1 isn’t serious. It’s killed a few people. It’s just now actually hitting here. A friends dad is in quarantine for it. They aren’t sure if that’s what it is yet, but they aren’t taking any chances.

On a more depressing note, summer is over. I had to have the furnace on last night. I think we actually had frost the night before. This summer was a joke. Rain and cold all June and July, and then oppressive heat all August. We got one nice week and that was it. I’m just hoping that maybe winter will be mild. The tons of snow last year were not my idea of fun.

K, that’s enough whining for now. Have a loverly day!!!

Kids say the darnedest things

Munchkin- Mom T said that Scooby is a cat
Me-I think he was pulling your leg.
Munchkin- No Mumma, he didn’t touch my leg

Kimmers-You know I’m not self absorbant
Me- BWAHAHAHAHA

Kimmers- I decided I don’t like these pants. They have a clicky button
Me- Clicky button??
Kimmers-Yeah this (showing snap) a clicky button
Me-BWAHAHAHA

Stillness

I will never forget the stillness of this day 8 years ago. The hurt, the pain, the fear………….For Gerard and all those others……you will never be forgotten. You are still loved and missed. Your bravery and selflessness is above reproach.

No ones

child spontaneously combusted after the Presidents speech yesterday. Life goes on as usual. Except maybe, just maybe, there were a couple of kids that did pay attention and got it. Who knows?

Now for something pretty

School and speeches

Today, President Obama is going to make a speech to our children in school. Some people are having a fit about this, threatening to keep their children home from school. My thing is this-what is the big deal??? He is not pushing politics, policies or any of that stuff on our kids. All he is doing is letting the children know that it is their responsibility to study and to do well in school. Why is this a bad thing?
Children do need to learn that they are responsible for their own actions, and no one else is going to be held accountable except them. In the real world there is work, and disappointment and no one always wins. There needs to be work ethic, and just out and out reality. I agree that there are some things that kids need to be sheltered from, but this is not one of them. It’s not going to poison them, or even go into politics. It’s a man, telling the children of our country that its their job to make sure they get an education and make the most of it. So tell me, where is the problem in that?????

I need

to let go. Of a lot of things. I am the type that harbors resentment and all other things that are so not healthy. I dwell on the past, what I have done wrong as well as what has been done wrong to me. I need to start living in the here and now. Not losing the lessons, but losing the feelings and fear associated with it. I’m doing a bit better than I used to, and I have been trying to find different things to read about trying to help me. So even tho I know that things have kinda seen a downwords spiral that just wont stop I am however going to try and bring it back up.