Same sh&t different day

So what’s up? As you can tell by the title not much is different here. Getting used to the stay at home mom thing. Not as easy as one would think just so you know. But luckily all is well and everyone is healthy and happy for the time being. Just thought I’d write a quick post to let you know I’m still alive. So I will catch you all later.

The new year

is off with a bang. The kids are still healthy. My truck is working properly again. The hubs and I have actually spent some time together. (yes, that is a good thing)

But I am no longer employed. Apparently, some one has it out for me and has caused me to lose my job because they like to make shit up and call my boss. There may be more to this, I am not sure. But I am going to speak to someone tomorrow who may have over heard stuff. Then I will go from there. I don’t blame my boss at this time. She sounded very upset on the phone. But then again, I don’t know. I really don’t. All I know is that I have been there thru thick and thin and put a lot of stuff aside for my job. I should have known better but so goes life.

If it was who I think it was, I can’t wait for karma to pay them back.

To whom ever it was: I hope karma takes a chunk out of your ass. I am not wishing anyone ill will, nor would I ever do that to someone myself. I know what comes around goes around. I just hope I’m there to see it.

2010

I know, a real original post title right? Well, I never claimed originality, now did I?

This year has definitely come in with a bang here in the downeast area. Started snowing on Thursday and still hasn’t stopped. Luckily its only about 2 feet so far. But still enough with the white stuff already. I wanted to get a pic of all the loveliness but it’s freaking cold out, so that is just going to have to wait.

I am hoping this is the year my luck changes a bit. Not much. I have happy, healthy kids, a husband that I adore. A family that is (mostly) awesome.

The only thing I want is peace of mind. I don’t want to rob Peter to pay Paul. I know that most people have to at one time or another, but I have been doing it for far too long. I’m not asking for major money, just enough that I don’t have to worry about the oil barrel being empty, or how I’m going to get our next meal. I always manage and my kids never go without. But I want a little bit of not having to worry about it. But either way, I will survive. I won’t complain(too much) about it. Life goes on and we just have to make the most of it The kids make sure of that.

The question of Santa

is one that gets asked here alot this time of year. Talk of naughty and nice and presents.

They ask if I believe in Santa. I have to say I do. It seems that no matter how bad things are, there is some type of miracle that allows me to give my kids a decent Christmas. Not an over the top, we got everything that we wanted, but nice. This year it happened to come in the form of an advance on taxes and some help from a local charitable type place that helps those of us who need a bit.

The only thing is that the older kids know who Santa is, so the threats don’t work as well on them. Though I found out threatening to take everything back and throw the tree out do. I had a slight temper tantrum tonight and traumatized the munchkin when I went nuts on the bigger two and actually unplugged the tree and was walking to the door. I feel a bit bad about that, but I did get the message through their thick heads.

I hope that anyone who reads this gets their Christmas wish, or miracle or what ever you want to call it. Know that I am wishing, hoping, praying and keeping my fingers crossed for you. Merry Christmas. And remember, the new year is around the corner, and we can all put some hope there.

Christmas Spirit

I seem to have lost mine. I was always the person who had everything done by Thanksgiving night, after the turkey and stuff was tree time. Not anymore.

Last year my tree got decorated a week before, and we are on the same track this year. I feel bad for the kids, I really do. I think I may put up a few lights tonite, but thats as far as it will go. First of all, I think the kids passed on a lovely strain of the flu. Coughing, dizzy as all get out, weak, so forth and so on. At least I have a semi-valid excuse. Second, it just seems that everything goes wrong for me. I am totally broke, not a dime to my name. Which means that the kids are going to have a shitty Christmas again.

They know that it’s the thought that counts, not the gifts. But that doesn’t make me feel any better that I cannot afford all the things that their friends get. I want to be able to buy them I-Pod touches, and WIIs and PS3’s and all that. I hate not having the money to do so. I bust my ass to be poor and it sucks.

Anyhow, now that I have posted more of the bummer that is me, I need to go cook supper.

Mind you I really am not complaining, more of a vent. My life is good, I have a house, food, heat, and great kids. That’s all that one can ask for in life. (But having a bit more would be nice lol)

Yesterday

was Thanksgiving. It is mostly an overrated day, with an excuse to eat ourselves silly. But there are several things that I am thankful for and I don’t let a day pass without thinking about them.

1.) My husband. I got so very lucky when he found me. He has helped me more than he will ever know. I love him with all my heart and I thank my lucky stars each day.

2.) My children. They are happy, healthy and have started to finally readjust to a normal life. They can be rotten, don’t get me wrong. But considering everything, they are awesome.

3.) My family. The ones who have stood beside me my whole life, as well as the ones that I have just found, as well as those that I am “re-finding” after many years. They are my rock.

4.) My friends. This year I found out that some that I thought were, weren’t and some that I wasn’t sure about proved one way or another. I have a good friend base, I don’t have many close friends, but those I do have I know have my back and will continue to be there for me. No matter how stupid I can get.

5.) My job. Alot of people are having a tough time finding one, and I am lucky enough to have one that I love. I enjoy going to work.

Through the good times and the bad, of which there are plenty, I realize that I am truly blessed in my life. And that deserves thanks everyday, not just because the calendar tells me so.

Anyone else

every have one of “those” days? You know, the ones where you knew the moment you got out of bed, you should just climb back in?

Tuesday was that day. If it could have went wrong it did. My car broke down, and I was stuck for 2 hours. There was an inspector at my hubs job, I was an hour and a half late for work. The health inspector showed up there. I knew we would pass, but it’s still nerve wracking. Got home from work that night, after waiting for an extra hour cuz the hubs was my ride and he was busy. The kids had made a massive mess. I just grabbed a 6 pack and went and hid in my room.

luckily the rest of the week went much better, and things will be well as soon as we get my truck fixed. Stupid fuel pump. 300 dollars worth of fuel pump. Oh well, I need the truck and that is way cheaper than buying a new one.

At least no one was hurt. Just aggravated.

Many thanks

to those who have been supportive and left comments. This is probably the hardest, but important part of the healing and moving on.

Awhile back, I was feeling bitter and still trapped. I wrote this. It is totally horrible and I wrote it in the third person. But it is what started the other part.

Thank you all again. The support and love are very much appreciated and needed.

Me

Thursday, there will be a piece that I wrote on Violence Unsilenced. It is a rather lengthy post but one that I wanted, no needed to write.

I did leave a few things out. The depression. Suicidal ideations. Cutting. I did put in the drinking tho. That was a very big part. I also left out the fact that he was a drunk. He even makes light of it. Says that there were never any problems, that it was all in my head. These are important facts that I left out, so I am going to put them here. They need to be put out there in the open. The healing is never going to be complete with out the whole story.

I’m sorry if this seems rambling. This has been a very difficult, even if it is cathartic, thing to do.

If there are any blanks, feel free to read thru here, there are a few posts about him. Not much but they are there from when I get angry.

Just another Manic Monday

Since I can think of nothing to write whatsoever, I stole this from here. At least its better than nothing. I think.

1. Where is your cellphone? stand

2. Your hair? blarg

3. Your mother? home

4. Your father? dead

5.Your favorite food? Italian

6. Your dream last night? none

7. Your favorite drink? Mikes

8. Your dream/goal? comfortable

9. What room are you in? bedroom

10. Your hobby? reading

11. Your fear? spiders

12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? somewhere

13. Where were you last night? Home

14. Something that you aren’t? rich

15. Muffins? apple

16. Wish list item? Money

17. Where did you grow up? Maine

18. Last thing you did? smoke

19. What are you wearing? jammies

20. Your TV? on

21. Your pets? bathroom

22. Friends? several

23. Your life? eh

24. Your mood? eh

25. Missing someone? ya

26. Vehicle? truck

.27. Something you’re not wearing? bra

28. Your favorite store? Walmart

29. Your favorite color? Purple

30. When was the last time you laughed? now

31. Last time you cried? PMS

32. Your best friend? far

33. One place that I go over and over? work

34. One person that emails me regularly? hubs

35. Favorite place to eat? Olive Garden