Yesterday

was Thanksgiving. It is mostly an overrated day, with an excuse to eat ourselves silly. But there are several things that I am thankful for and I don’t let a day pass without thinking about them.

1.) My husband. I got so very lucky when he found me. He has helped me more than he will ever know. I love him with all my heart and I thank my lucky stars each day.

2.) My children. They are happy, healthy and have started to finally readjust to a normal life. They can be rotten, don’t get me wrong. But considering everything, they are awesome.

3.) My family. The ones who have stood beside me my whole life, as well as the ones that I have just found, as well as those that I am “re-finding” after many years. They are my rock.

4.) My friends. This year I found out that some that I thought were, weren’t and some that I wasn’t sure about proved one way or another. I have a good friend base, I don’t have many close friends, but those I do have I know have my back and will continue to be there for me. No matter how stupid I can get.

5.) My job. Alot of people are having a tough time finding one, and I am lucky enough to have one that I love. I enjoy going to work.

Through the good times and the bad, of which there are plenty, I realize that I am truly blessed in my life. And that deserves thanks everyday, not just because the calendar tells me so.

Anyone else

every have one of “those” days? You know, the ones where you knew the moment you got out of bed, you should just climb back in?

Tuesday was that day. If it could have went wrong it did. My car broke down, and I was stuck for 2 hours. There was an inspector at my hubs job, I was an hour and a half late for work. The health inspector showed up there. I knew we would pass, but it’s still nerve wracking. Got home from work that night, after waiting for an extra hour cuz the hubs was my ride and he was busy. The kids had made a massive mess. I just grabbed a 6 pack and went and hid in my room.

luckily the rest of the week went much better, and things will be well as soon as we get my truck fixed. Stupid fuel pump. 300 dollars worth of fuel pump. Oh well, I need the truck and that is way cheaper than buying a new one.

At least no one was hurt. Just aggravated.

Many thanks

to those who have been supportive and left comments. This is probably the hardest, but important part of the healing and moving on.

Awhile back, I was feeling bitter and still trapped. I wrote this. It is totally horrible and I wrote it in the third person. But it is what started the other part.

Thank you all again. The support and love are very much appreciated and needed.

Me

Thursday, there will be a piece that I wrote on Violence Unsilenced. It is a rather lengthy post but one that I wanted, no needed to write.

I did leave a few things out. The depression. Suicidal ideations. Cutting. I did put in the drinking tho. That was a very big part. I also left out the fact that he was a drunk. He even makes light of it. Says that there were never any problems, that it was all in my head. These are important facts that I left out, so I am going to put them here. They need to be put out there in the open. The healing is never going to be complete with out the whole story.

I’m sorry if this seems rambling. This has been a very difficult, even if it is cathartic, thing to do.

If there are any blanks, feel free to read thru here, there are a few posts about him. Not much but they are there from when I get angry.

Just another Manic Monday

Since I can think of nothing to write whatsoever, I stole this from here. At least its better than nothing. I think.

1. Where is your cellphone? stand

2. Your hair? blarg

3. Your mother? home

4. Your father? dead

5.Your favorite food? Italian

6. Your dream last night? none

7. Your favorite drink? Mikes

8. Your dream/goal? comfortable

9. What room are you in? bedroom

10. Your hobby? reading

11. Your fear? spiders

12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? somewhere

13. Where were you last night? Home

14. Something that you aren’t? rich

15. Muffins? apple

16. Wish list item? Money

17. Where did you grow up? Maine

18. Last thing you did? smoke

19. What are you wearing? jammies

20. Your TV? on

21. Your pets? bathroom

22. Friends? several

23. Your life? eh

24. Your mood? eh

25. Missing someone? ya

26. Vehicle? truck

.27. Something you’re not wearing? bra

28. Your favorite store? Walmart

29. Your favorite color? Purple

30. When was the last time you laughed? now

31. Last time you cried? PMS

32. Your best friend? far

33. One place that I go over and over? work

34. One person that emails me regularly? hubs

35. Favorite place to eat? Olive Garden

Confuzzled

I’ll admit it. I am totally confuzzled.

I have been searching for 27 years, and I found the missing brother. Its awesome beyond words.

But it also brings up a lot of feelings that I haven’t had in years.

About my dad. My step-mother. My other brother.

My dad. I still miss him horribly. He died when I was 13, and I never really got to say good-bye. I mean I talked to him every week, told him I loved him. But there are still so many things that I wanted to tell him. I’ll never get the chance. I just hope he’s not disappointed in me. I wish that he had met his grandchildren. I wish that he had been there when I got married. I wish alot of things. I know that it will never happen, but I still have my pipe dreams .

I’m not exactly sure how I feel about the step-mother. We didn’t get along great. I looked at her as the wicked step-mother. But as I got older, I’m not sure if that is because she really was or if it was because she was with MY daddy and she was so not my mom. To be honest, I think its a bit of both. I never wished her any ill will, and I am truly sorry that she went through all she did. There isn’t anything that I can do about that however, and I’m not going to dwell on it.

My other brother. The one I have known his whole life. We have issues, some rather large ones that I will not go into here, because they are ours to deal with and that’s that. This is either going to help get through those, or it is going to compound them and destroy an already fragile relationship. I’m hoping for the former, not the latter. Only time will tell.

My new found brother is going to be coming out here in December, after the birth of my niece. There are going to be alot of questions. The hard part is that I am going to be the only one who can answer them. My first brother has turned a blind eye to alot of things, and he still can’t talk about Daddy. It’s going to be a bittersweet meeting. I’m excited, yet apprehensive about the whole thing. I can’t wait.

We are a string family, and we will survive what ever gets thrown our way. Maybe my first brother and I can actually become friends again. Who knows?

Miracles

They really do happen upon occasion. Or at the very least fate shine the sunny side upon you and lets you bask awhile.

Last night I was doing some searching on line. Now mind you, I have a brother that I have never met. My father died when I was 13 and my step-mother was pregnant at his funeral. I tried a few times to find him, but her family would never tell me where they were. He’s 27 now.

Anyways, I was doing some searching on line for my family tree and decided to try and search again. I hit Google and every other site I could think of. I was getting ready to give up and decided to check Facebook one more time before I called it quits. OMG, there was someone with his name there. I checked thru his friends and a further OMG came when the friends in his list had the same name as his mothers family. I knew at that point it was him. I sent him a letter telling him who i was and what not. Then I waited. And waited.

I was so nervous. What if he didn’t want any contact after all these years? I didn’t know what his mom or her family had told him. I didn’t think it was anything bad, but still , the imagination, she works overtime.

Got home to work and there was a mail in my inbox from him with his number!!!!! I was so excited, I was vibrating. Took a bit to get my courage together, but I finally did it. We were on the phone for almost an hour. Not bad for the first time speaking EVER!!

I am still uber excited, but I had to share.

See, this just means that there is still some hope out there, somewhere!!!

Hello

Hows it been going? Been busy busy busy.

My sister is helping her best friend plan her wedding, and somehow I got roped into it all. So now I have been spending time fooking for burgandy leaves and colors that go with it. It’s been pretty, but just time consuming.

See?

Also the munchkin started pre K two weeks ago. Its only 2 days a week, but its all day. It also happens to be on the days I work, so that worked out well. She loves it and gets mad because she can’t go every day. She is a little sponge and that’s a good Too damned smart for her own good too lol.

Her first day of school. Yeah, I know she looks a bit like Popeye, but the sun was in her face and that was the longest I could get her to hold still.

Other than that, still trying to settle my too large family into the too small trailer. Its been fun packing up my sisters stuff and then unpacking and trying to find room for ours. *sigh* Oh well, someday it will be my turn. I just hope its while I’m still young enough to enjoy it lol.

TTFN

Stupid allergies

Damned things have been keeping me down this week. I just sniffle, sneeze and cough my way around. Not cool, cuz everyone is tweaking with the whole H1N1 virus thing. If it keeps up much longer, I’m going to have to get it stamped on my forehead so people won’t run away.

Not that H1N1 isn’t serious. It’s killed a few people. It’s just now actually hitting here. A friends dad is in quarantine for it. They aren’t sure if that’s what it is yet, but they aren’t taking any chances.

On a more depressing note, summer is over. I had to have the furnace on last night. I think we actually had frost the night before. This summer was a joke. Rain and cold all June and July, and then oppressive heat all August. We got one nice week and that was it. I’m just hoping that maybe winter will be mild. The tons of snow last year were not my idea of fun.

K, that’s enough whining for now. Have a loverly day!!!

Kids say the darnedest things

Munchkin- Mom T said that Scooby is a cat
Me-I think he was pulling your leg.
Munchkin- No Mumma, he didn’t touch my leg

Kimmers-You know I’m not self absorbant
Me- BWAHAHAHAHA

Kimmers- I decided I don’t like these pants. They have a clicky button
Me- Clicky button??
Kimmers-Yeah this (showing snap) a clicky button
Me-BWAHAHAHA