Hi

I know its been awhile since I’ve been here but I’ve been doing a lot of thinking. Been feeling kind of sad and nostalgic lately. I just wish that some things have never changed. But I know that things will never be the same and it breaks my heart. At times my heart feels like it’s breaking all over again. I love my husband more than anything and we know we got back to even better. But sometimes I wish things were almost back to the way they were.  But not really. It’s kind of hard to explain because I’m not sure I really understand it myself.  Oh well. Now to get back to the real world and get my schooling back on track.  I guess that’s all for now but I’ll leave you with a pic of my munchkin in the er..

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A new year and a new start

So its already been a busy year. Started a new job and

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started college full time. I still haven’t decided on a moajor. Its going to be either justice studies and or psychology. Ill see how intro to psych goes. Then I will make a decision. But I do know that becoming a lawyer would be good as well. There are so many people that need a good lawyer that can’t get one. Its all up in the air. When I decide I’ll let ya know.

Have a lovely day. I’ll be back. Oh, the pic is from the ice storm before Christmas. Made for a wonderful time. Not.

Busy as a bee

Helloo blogosphere! I have been busy as a one legged man in a butt~kickin contest. I have been getting ready to go bck to school. After a loooooong time I have decided that late or not I am going to make something of my life. I will be in school at the very least 2 years. I’ll then have my paralegal certificate…..after that I will probably get my bachelors degree in justice studies. Thats 4 years there. Then I will decide if I’m going on to law school or not. I want to get my certification first that way I can finish school while working. The hubby due to his knee can no longer be a mechanic so he is also going to school for mechanical engineering.

I hope that everything else will fall into place. I love Maine. It’s my home. But there is nothing here. We are talking about the Midwest. Where there is little or no humidity so he can actually function. The arthritis is getting him badly. It’s sad that he’s only 40 and he can hardly walk.  Just not cool.

I started a program called college transitions. It’s for people like me to help get them brushed up on the basics and ready to go back to school. The math is killing me but other than that its great. I love it and I’m getting excited about it. I’m supposed to start in January so let’s hope.

That’s it for now. Gotta get one of the kids from school. She’s practicing for the fall musical. She’s a fabulous singer. One day I’ll record her for you. Take care til I get back! Ttfn

Waiting and hoping.

The title says it all. I’m sitting here hoping and waiting to hear I have gotten a job. I know I’m starting college in January but a little money would be good about now. Kinda hard to live on no income yanno.  But I’m trying the best I can and thats all I can do.

I’m refusing to let myself get carried away by depression and negativity……I’m plowing thru with a positive attitude and asmike on my face. Things got way out of hbd last time and I am so not going thru all that again lol.

I feel better about a lot of things. My marriage is stronger than ever. That took lots of work but it was so worth it. The kids are doing great. Organ than one of them is so self centered that its not even funny. She is in for one rude wake up call that the world does not revolve around her. Oh well. I tried my best. That’s all anyone can do.

Well that’s my quick update for now. Life is good. Till next time…….

Random crap

Not really sure what to write but here goes.

Guess I’ll dive in with female issues. Like hoping that I’m going thru menopause. People may think I’m nuts but if you have to deal with the pain I’ve dealt with over the years you’d  welcome it too lol. Cramps that would make most people cry…..enough blood to make it look like several people got stabbed in the aorta……yeah it is as gross as it sounds.

Next topic….nosy asses shit strirring neighbors. I have two dogs. One is 3 and the other is 15. The 15 year old is not doing so wonderful.  She really doesn’t easy much anymore and she should probably be put down but I can’t bring myself to do it. The other one is an uber-hyper dog who eats twice a day but its hard to keep the weight on him. He runs constantly and never stops. He loves to run and play and chase stuff. Hes a big baby lol. Someone decided to call the town and bitch instead of asking me. I mean god forbid someone asks what’s going on BEFORE causing trouble. That would be to easy tho. Can’t upset people that way. I dunno what is wrong with people these days.

Next is faith in humanity, or qqy lack of. Seems that people are just getting worse everyday. Every now and then things happen that gives me some back but something even more stupid happens and its gone again…..

I guess that’s it for today. Ill try to be organized next time lol.

I applied for a job today

And I took a college placement test yesterday. Can’t wait to find put about either. Not really gung ho about the job but at least I know it and can handle it. I’m excited about college tho. I’m going to try and get a BA in justice studies. Which means after two years I can get a job as a paralegal and then.continue on to being a lawyer. I can’t wait to start.

Except the whole math thing. I failed miserably at algebra. I do ok with basic math but once you throw.the alphabet in there I am so lost its not even funny. But I’m going to take it one step at a time and I will make it.

Well its time for nite nite so I’ll catch you after dream time :)

7 years

Yesterday was our 7th anniversary. Its been a rocky road with lots of conflict and issues. In December we weren’t sure if we would make it. But we have and we’re stronger than ever. We have worked thrust lots of problems and there have been many a tear shed.

Thank you baby for the renewed love and faith. Here’s to many more. I love you….

Thoughts, revelations and a bit of insight

I’ve been a bit busy since the last time I wrote. Trying to pick up the pieces and put my marriage back together.

Its been a rough road, I’m not going to lie about it. But it has been a good journey full of all kinds of things. Hence the title of this post.

I have discovered lots about myself. That I still lover my husband with all my heart. That my allowing myself to get into that funk caused so many people pain. That I allowed myself to be a doormat. That I practically threw my husband at another woman.

Don’t misunderstand me. I in no way what so ever condone what happened. I understand that I was miserable, he was miserable and that she was too. But there is never an excuse for that level of betrayal. By the person who said for better or worse and especially for the person who called you her sister. None.

I have forgiven them both. I had to for.my own piece of mind. Then my hubby and I sat and talked and dug and talked. Then we did it all again. He told.me that he truly thought he was in love with her. Them he told.me.other things. Like they never talker about anything truly serious. Just that they didn’t know.what they were going to do next. Then he told me that to actually have sex with her he had to pretend it was me. I asked him why he thought he loved her if he couldn’t be with her during sex it had to be me.  He never really cake up with an answer but it got his wheels turning. He finally realized that he was caught up in someone who was so much like me. It wasn’t her, it was the semblance of me.

I’m not saying this to be mean. I just need to get it out off my chest and look at the long view.

The bonus is that we have totally fallen in love all over again. Things are better than ever. We are looking at everything in a whole new light and its been amazing. We are worse than a couple of kids.

They say everything happens for a reason. I am a firm believer in that. I wish it could have happened a bit differently but it didn’t. I have, for the most part forgiven and moved on. I have my life back and I refuse to dwell on the bad things. Too much good is going on. But I will never forget. I can’t and won’t. I want to remember so those things will never happen again…..

Randomness

That totally describes me these days. Apparently my train of thought derailed and they scrambled it getting it back on the tracks.  Wouldn’t be quite so bad if it didn’t happen all the time. Conversations take odd turns. My filter is off too. Oh well. I guess it happens to all of us at sometime.

Its been an odd journey, re discovering who I am. For the most part I am still me. But there is now another wall up. I have no idea how to get it down. I am starting to trust him a little at a time. Its a start.

There needs to be more sun. I also suffer from seasonal depression. I need to get my tan on. Just for my state of mind lol. I just want warm.

Ok now that everone else is dizzy I’m going to head to bed. TTFN

Once again I fail

at being here every day. I try, I really do. But life isn’t crazy nuts, its close. There have been two surgeries, 1 planned, 1 emergency. Cheer leading practice and competitions. Illness, Alzheimer’s, and other assorted things.

I have written a million (not quite, but close) posts in my head. By the time I get here, they are gone. I’m still spending too much time thinking about things that can’t be changed. About people who do not even deserve my thoughts. About wasted time. Too much over-thinking.

Oh well. Things move on, and they still are getting better. My baby turned 8 last weekend. It’s just not possible. Time is going by oh so fast. I want a rewind button. For a lot of things lol. Funny thing is I really don’t want to change anything. Everything that has happened has made me who I am. There are things I would just like to see again, people who are long gone that I miss oh so very very much.

Apparently I am in a rambling mood lol. But its not bad this time. Thankfully I am getting better and stronger all the time. I am the person I used to be again, but with added strength. I now know what is important in my life and that I will go to any means to protect it.

I am me. I am very happy with that. I also really don’t give a frogs fat ass what anyone else thinks. Still moving forward :)

Have a wonderful evening.