Hello and Happy New Year!!!!

I hope that you all have gotten off to  a wonderful start. I, on the other hand, haven’t but I am dealing with it. Seems my brother in law, who had gotten my husband a job, is a heroin junkie. He decided to pilfer thousands upon thousands from the company they worked for. So no, no job for the hubby. Hopefully stuff turns around soon. I’m not ready to break but there are limits.

The kids are doing pretty well too…The oldest just quit her job of 7 years and started a new one. Not what I wanted for her, but she’s got her own life and I can’t live it for her. The second oldest will never change. Love her dearly, but all she does is hide. Hopefully she gets out of that stage before its too late. The next one decided that college was too much for her, so shes moved home. But she hasn’t found a job, shes half assing her chores, and is in general lazy as all hell. But if I say a word, I’m just being mean and picking on her. The littlest is amazingly well. We have had to move, which is a story for another day, twice, Been to two different schools in a month, and had adjusted. She does way better than the bigger kids.

As for me, I’m not doing to shabby. Looking for a job, and a change. The hubs and I have talked, and as much as we love it here, we need a fresh start in a different place. I’ve been looking in Jersey and Tennessee. Not sure where we are going to land, but we will be landing somewhere new soon. There is nothing in this state to keep us here. There are no decent jobs, nothing to do. It’s just time for a change. Change is good :)

Well there’s a quick update. There is so much more to share, but its 2:30 AM and I’m kinda tired. Hasta La Vista :)

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Here we go again

I have been trying to get my blog set up on my own site, but I am having massive massive issues. So, here it is. Keep your fingers crossed :D


Update: I cannot get it to work at this time, but I WILL NOT GIVE UP!!! So for now I am still here, same place :)

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New direction

Before I paste the post that I wrote before, I want to let you know that I am taking a new direction. I have, in the past, let my depression get the best of me. But I am refusing to give in any more. Things are going better and better, and I will not let me stop me. So here we go with the post I wrote earlier.

Ok here I go writing down my thoughts and whatnot again. I will have to upload this to my blog later but as for now this will do.

There is too much going on for my head to process.  Joe’s family is once again a bunch of douchebags who have fucked with my life. If my stuff is still there I will be thrilled if not I’ll be pissed and get over it. Life has moved on and so have I. I never thought that I-we would be living with Angel and Jeff

After everything that happened this is the last place I thought I would ever be. But it works. Things needed to be shook up and we be shaking them. We have a gorgeous house on the lake and I do miss my privacy and the ability to wander thru the house nekkid but other than that I can’t complain. Well I can but there really isn’t much to complain about. Other than my kids lol. Kim decided without warning to drop out of college and I have no way to get her no money and the van is not going to make it

Kara had decided to come back from Florida but at least she’s not going to be living here.  She’s going to Ellsworth and live with Carrie and other friends. Hopefully she has a job there because I cannot afford to take care of my older kids. Kim’s going to be upset as she’s going to be looking for a job as soon as she lands unless she lives with Bobbie. I can’t take care of her ass anymore

Kaity has issues but they are the same issues she’s always had. She’s very insecure and doubts herself at every turn. Other than that Kait’s good

Even Joe and Jeff have found common ground, they are getting along somewhat. Not perfect but hey one step at a time. I’ll take it lol

I just hope this will work out. I’m not really good about sharing and stuff and this will test it. Yes we’ve lived together before but things were different then and they will NEVER take that path again.

I’ve moved past the shit in my life that caused that and I’m writing now to help prevent it ever happening again, if I keep shit in is when it heads south, I WILL NOT let that happen ever ever again.

Once I can wrap my head around why someone would do to their brother what Mikey did to Joe I’ll be ok. I just don’t get that kind of shit. Why would someone do that to their brother??? It really doesn’t make sense, I kind of feel bad for them, that they treat people like that, there will not be anyone there for them in the future, but to each his own. We will be much happier away from that toxic town and the toxic people there. I wish no one any ill will. What happens, happens, but I will have a clear conscience……ok that’s it for now. I will have to post some pics of this beautiful house and its surroundings. I love this house and hope that we can always be here. Just send 300,000 to my address and I can keep it hehe

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A new beginning

I am here again, hopefully to start new. Life has had its ups and downs. Its thrown me curve balls, and fast balls, and more than a few spit balls. But I am still here and standing, stronger than I have ever been. I know who I am and what I want. I am no longer afraid of what might be. I believe now in going forward. Learn from the past but don’t let it consume you. Forgive, take the lesson and move on. Being mad and vengeful only hurts you, not anyone else. To get to your future, you need to let go of the past. 

I have had a lot of time to think about all kinds of things. Things that I never thought I could, or would even try, to get past. But I have realized that things DO happen for a reason. We may never know that reason so to speak, but it is up to us to figure out the lesson and go from there. You are the only person that can make your future. If you dont go forward with the positive, you are going to relive the negative over and over again. 

I’m not saying that you should just burst forth without thought. Just that you need to think to whats to come, not whats been. Ive been hurt a lot in the past couple of years, and I did forgive. The people that hurt me so badly were still very important to me that I couldnt let go. I have just had to rethink things, and see what its worth. My big issue is trust, but  they are trying their best to make sure that they get my trust back. Things are never going to be the same again, and we all accept that. But we are going to do our best in the future so that nothing like that ever happens again. It hasnt been an easy road, but the things that are worth it never are :)

So there it is. I know I sound like a really bad philosophy lesson, but take it for what it is. My thoughts, feelings and just whats in my heart.

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I know its been awhile since I’ve been here but I’ve been doing a lot of thinking. Been feeling kind of sad and nostalgic lately. I just wish that some things have never changed. But I know that things will never be the same and it breaks my heart. At times my heart feels like it’s breaking all over again. I love my husband more than anything and we know we got back to even better. But sometimes I wish things were almost back to the way they were.  But not really. It’s kind of hard to explain because I’m not sure I really understand it myself.  Oh well. Now to get back to the real world and get my schooling back on track.  I guess that’s all for now but I’ll leave you with a pic of my munchkin in the er..


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A new year and a new start

So its already been a busy year. Started a new job and


started college full time. I still haven’t decided on a moajor. Its going to be either justice studies and or psychology. Ill see how intro to psych goes. Then I will make a decision. But I do know that becoming a lawyer would be good as well. There are so many people that need a good lawyer that can’t get one. Its all up in the air. When I decide I’ll let ya know.

Have a lovely day. I’ll be back. Oh, the pic is from the ice storm before Christmas. Made for a wonderful time. Not.

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Busy as a bee

Helloo blogosphere! I have been busy as a one legged man in a butt~kickin contest. I have been getting ready to go bck to school. After a loooooong time I have decided that late or not I am going to make something of my life. I will be in school at the very least 2 years. I’ll then have my paralegal certificate…..after that I will probably get my bachelors degree in justice studies. Thats 4 years there. Then I will decide if I’m going on to law school or not. I want to get my certification first that way I can finish school while working. The hubby due to his knee can no longer be a mechanic so he is also going to school for mechanical engineering.

I hope that everything else will fall into place. I love Maine. It’s my home. But there is nothing here. We are talking about the Midwest. Where there is little or no humidity so he can actually function. The arthritis is getting him badly. It’s sad that he’s only 40 and he can hardly walk.  Just not cool.

I started a program called college transitions. It’s for people like me to help get them brushed up on the basics and ready to go back to school. The math is killing me but other than that its great. I love it and I’m getting excited about it. I’m supposed to start in January so let’s hope.

That’s it for now. Gotta get one of the kids from school. She’s practicing for the fall musical. She’s a fabulous singer. One day I’ll record her for you. Take care til I get back! Ttfn

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Waiting and hoping.

The title says it all. I’m sitting here hoping and waiting to hear I have gotten a job. I know I’m starting college in January but a little money would be good about now. Kinda hard to live on no income yanno.  But I’m trying the best I can and thats all I can do.

I’m refusing to let myself get carried away by depression and negativity……I’m plowing thru with a positive attitude and asmike on my face. Things got way out of hbd last time and I am so not going thru all that again lol.

I feel better about a lot of things. My marriage is stronger than ever. That took lots of work but it was so worth it. The kids are doing great. Organ than one of them is so self centered that its not even funny. She is in for one rude wake up call that the world does not revolve around her. Oh well. I tried my best. That’s all anyone can do.

Well that’s my quick update for now. Life is good. Till next time…….

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Random crap

Not really sure what to write but here goes.

Guess I’ll dive in with female issues. Like hoping that I’m going thru menopause. People may think I’m nuts but if you have to deal with the pain I’ve dealt with over the years you’d  welcome it too lol. Cramps that would make most people cry…..enough blood to make it look like several people got stabbed in the aorta……yeah it is as gross as it sounds.

Next topic….nosy asses shit strirring neighbors. I have two dogs. One is 3 and the other is 15. The 15 year old is not doing so wonderful.  She really doesn’t easy much anymore and she should probably be put down but I can’t bring myself to do it. The other one is an uber-hyper dog who eats twice a day but its hard to keep the weight on him. He runs constantly and never stops. He loves to run and play and chase stuff. Hes a big baby lol. Someone decided to call the town and bitch instead of asking me. I mean god forbid someone asks what’s going on BEFORE causing trouble. That would be to easy tho. Can’t upset people that way. I dunno what is wrong with people these days.

Next is faith in humanity, or qqy lack of. Seems that people are just getting worse everyday. Every now and then things happen that gives me some back but something even more stupid happens and its gone again…..

I guess that’s it for today. Ill try to be organized next time lol.

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I applied for a job today

And I took a college placement test yesterday. Can’t wait to find put about either. Not really gung ho about the job but at least I know it and can handle it. I’m excited about college tho. I’m going to try and get a BA in justice studies. Which means after two years I can get a job as a paralegal and then.continue on to being a lawyer. I can’t wait to start.

Except the whole math thing. I failed miserably at algebra. I do ok with basic math but once you throw.the alphabet in there I am so lost its not even funny. But I’m going to take it one step at a time and I will make it.

Well its time for nite nite so I’ll catch you after dream time :)

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