Here I am once again. Not in a nice place either. It’s that dark all consuming place that scares the living shit out of me.
Things are kinda crappy. Huz is outta work. He messed up his knee pretty bad and I’m waiting to hear from the specialist so we can get him back to work. One of the kids is suffering from major issues, wanting to hurt herself, thinking that she isn’t worth it, so forth and so on. I’m waiting to here from the therapist now. Good thing they are so concerned that I’ve been waiting a freakin week. *sigh*
I know things could be worse, and they have been. But right now, I can’t find a job, I feel like a total failure at this moment in time. True or not it sums it up.
Its scary when I get here. I have a little secret. I SI. Its very very hard to resist. I have a wonderful man who loves me and the things that are stopping me is him and my kids. I do not want them to know that I am weak, hurting or that there are things that I cannot handle. I also don’t want them to think it’s acceptable.
This all is why I haven’t been here. I hate being whiny and whatnot. I know reading thru here I am a whine ass which is why I haven’t been lol, go figure.
Anyhow…….I am alive and in tact. Hoping to stay that way 🙂