Rambling thoughts………

Warning: this post is probably going to be all over the place again. I have been trying to get my thoughts into line, but they just are not cooperating.

First I am so tired of trying to stay positive. I have actually broken out in hives as of late and the worst part is that they are on my head (I have checked for other stuff and they only itch when I am irritated lol) and when I am really irritates I break out in other spots. The fun just never ends……

I don’t want to get out of bed anymore. For anything.  I have to force myself to get up and dressed to go to the school. Or anything.  I need to get into my doctor to see what we can do. I’m trying to make it so it doesn’t affect the kids, but I know it is, and I do not want that in any way.

All I do is eat. Not because I’m hungry, but just because. Of course I’m trying to quit smoking at the same time. I bought an e-cig and it has cut down on what I do smoke, but hasn’t cut down the I need to eat stuff.

Of course the really big thing is money. I don’t have any. I can’t afford to drive to the store, or down the road to my moms unless I have to. I can’t handle being trapped at the house. Its getting to me in a big way.

Thanksgiving is coming up next week. The added stress is that my ex comes up for this holiday, so for the kids sake I have to play nice. Which in my case means I start drinking around 9 am and stop when he leaves. Not the best stress management ever, but it gets me thru the day. One day I will figure out a different way to deal, but for now it works.

On a good note, my youngest is at the top of her class in everything. She blew their averages out of the water. I am so proud of her. The class average is 90 amd hers is 99. I have to say as far as my kids are concerned I have been lucky. They have a few issues, but they are all pretty responsible and have manners and whatnot. So I am pretty blessed.

If you read this thank you for that. It means a lot and input is always appreciated. I started this because it helps to get it out there and read whats on my mind, if that makes sense, Helps me put it into perspective and if someone else has input that helps bunches too 🙂


Have a wonderful evening

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