Thoughts, revelations and a bit of insight

I’ve been a bit busy since the last time I wrote. Trying to pick up the pieces and put my marriage back together.

Its been a rough road, I’m not going to lie about it. But it has been a good journey full of all kinds of things. Hence the title of this post.

I have discovered lots about myself. That I still lover my husband with all my heart. That my allowing myself to get into that funk caused so many people pain. That I allowed myself to be a doormat. That I practically threw my husband at another woman.

Don’t misunderstand me. I in no way what so ever condone what happened. I understand that I was miserable, he was miserable and that she was too. But there is never an excuse for that level of betrayal. By the person who said for better or worse and especially for the person who called you her sister. None.

I have forgiven them both. I had to for.my own piece of mind. Then my hubby and I sat and talked and dug and talked. Then we did it all again. He told.me that he truly thought he was in love with her. Them he told.me.other things. Like they never talker about anything truly serious. Just that they didn’t know.what they were going to do next. Then he told me that to actually have sex with her he had to pretend it was me. I asked him why he thought he loved her if he couldn’t be with her during sex it had to be me.  He never really cake up with an answer but it got his wheels turning. He finally realized that he was caught up in someone who was so much like me. It wasn’t her, it was the semblance of me.

I’m not saying this to be mean. I just need to get it out off my chest and look at the long view.

The bonus is that we have totally fallen in love all over again. Things are better than ever. We are looking at everything in a whole new light and its been amazing. We are worse than a couple of kids.

They say everything happens for a reason. I am a firm believer in that. I wish it could have happened a bit differently but it didn’t. I have, for the most part forgiven and moved on. I have my life back and I refuse to dwell on the bad things. Too much good is going on. But I will never forget. I can’t and won’t. I want to remember so those things will never happen again…..

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